that's mrs. mediocrity to you

It’s raining in December and another year has flown by. A year of sad things and joyful things, hard things and soft things, big things and little things. A year like most years, I suppose.

It was also a year of learning. Of grieving and forgiving and standing up straight, even so. A year of making more room for love. A year of shifting.

The world makes me sad and I withdraw. Love gives me hope and draws me out. Life gives me breath and what more is there, really? The gift of dawn, the gift of December, the gift of another year.

It’s not my job to stop time from passing. It’s not my job to fight the truth of existence. It’s not my job to rail against the frailties of humanity.

My job is to soar, with grace and curiosity. Or at least to promise to try. Wonder-wander and observe. Listen. Absorb. Sit with the birds and sing. Embrace the miracle of sky.

My job is to keep my heart open, even as it grows heavy.

I have these wings. I have this light. I have this rubicon to bury.

I mark each month on a trunk filled with feathers, the weight of a nest to come home to.

The ballast of living.

.

.

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and you are the miracle

every day

each breath

crystallized

into sky

and

molten

remembrance

.

.

.

can be a good thing

.

On a warm December morning filled with birdsong and loud blue sky, I find myself quiet. Standing in my pajamas and listening to a world that always carries on, no matter how many times we think it will stop.

Each time I go in the door, or out, these old harness jingle bells I’ve tied around a wreath ring their pretty song, reminding me that silence is the mirror of stillness. And life is always moving.

I wish for snow to hide the mess of leaves and grey. I wish for sparkling trees and crisp fresh air. I wish to be right where I am and everywhere else all at once.

There’s no wind today, and yesterday five robins set down in my garden to forage in the litter of berries and seed.

My words hide in corners too far away, and I look up as a crow, my crow, flies by.

We say good morning without sound.

The day begins.

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.

.

rising high from a red bed of thorns
on a morning dressed in grey before dawn

and this is all there is

i stand to one side
worn and torn and still exuberant

breathing in the chill of tomorrow
as today twines up bare ankles

remembering to live

.

.

.

on the quiet colors
of a cold grey sad day morning
.
the scent of winter
crisp and silent
creeping up behind me

.

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.

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and trying to keep it that way

in the midst of memory

and detritus

reaching

always reaching

for illumination

.

.

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as i swim through center
muddy toes, bony fingers, brittle bones

i will not drown and the sky keeps changing

clouds of starlings dance in pulse and parody
and i smile at the futility of standing

.

float and eddy
swirl and bend
let go let go let go

.

it’s all happening

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even the stars
were off kilter
last night
orion laying low
on the horizon
the southern cross
trying to kiss
cassiopeia
.
my feet were on the ground
but my heart kept floating
.
ursa major
poised to capture
every tear
.

.

.

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i search for beauty in the bones of every skeleton

architecture is the art of building frames

i thought i was a writer once, then i became human

the sky is a cage built for starlings

i am the ghost of my grandmother, re-contrived

.

all the leaves have fallen now and the wind has moved on

we stand naked in the weak winter sunshine,

refusing the invitation to bend

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