a month of somedays

I have a lot of somedays floating around in my head, I always have.

There is the house I will live in, the perfect weight I will be at, the marathon I will complete, the garden I will tend, the book I will write. The world will be at peace. Someday.

And though I remind myself, often, that someday never comes, that there is only just today, this day, the one I am in, those somedays always come creeping back in. I suppose it’s human nature, to dream, to look to the future, to wonder what it might hold.

But then I wonder how much of my life I am missing or wasting by spending time on someday when I could be, should be, spending it in this day, in this hour, in this moment.

I go back and forth between the two, trying to find the balance. Living in the moment is so much more difficult than it sounds. My body can do it, my physical self has no choice but to be where it is when it is there. But my mind, it wanders.

And yes, I can rein it in, pull it back, sit it down in this chair and say, listen.

But is that always the best thing to do? Aren’t those dreams just as important as the smell of the flowers in the vase before me? Aren’t the possibilities as valuable as the present? Most days, I can’t decide. I try to do both, appreciate where I am, while also contemplating where I might end up.

In a perfect zen moment I am only here, in the now, in the sun I sit in, the leaves I rake, the floor I sweep. When I have those moments, I revel in them, breathe them in, embrace their importance.

But my mind has its own set of wings and often takes flight before I can stop it. And when it soars high above me looking towards some other time and place, I have to wonder if it’s fair to keep it tethered to my ankle.

I don’t have the answer to which way is best. I know it’s important to enjoy what I have when I have it, where I am. I know this. I see beauty in the tiniest of places, in the green daffodil shoots there, at my feet, in the steaming cup of tea that starts my day, in that kitten cleaning his paws in the corner. I recognize the value of immersing myself in these things.

But then my mind will hear the echo of a promise and take off in search of the source.

Sometimes, I just sit back and let it wander.

My body can holds its place ’til it returns.


18 Responses to “a month of somedays”

  • Graciel @ Evenstar Art Says:

    you and me, girl. you and me. 🙂

    happy spring. at last!


  • Liz Says:

    It is as if you are reading my heart. Thank you.

  • Sally Says:

    I was thinking this through over the last few days as well. With the ‘what ifs’ attached. What if the time I’m waiting for doesn’t ever actually arrive. What if the circumstances that will be perfect for me are not on their way? What if my Acceptance of all that IS, in this moment, is taking away from time that could be invested in guaranteeing the right time and circumstances? And so on.

    Being in the Now, with Trust, Presence and Patience is most definitely NOT an easy thing to do.

    Having said that – I’m happy to be here, with you, right now.

  • beth Says:

    sheesh kelly….get out of my head would you 🙂

    yesterday, i really lived for the day. i was in the moment. each moment. the best i could be. i made my kids laugh. i laughed. we really lived. i cherished the day as if it were my only gift.

    and today i dream about the future. is it wrong to decide what color i want it to be ? have you seen the martha stewart color swatches 🙂

  • Jillsy Girl Says:

    I think it’s a question of proportions….as long as the dreaming part doesn’t overtake reality! 😉

  • Kathryn Says:

    I find myself betwixt and between these two states of being a lot of the time. I am conscious of trying to be more in the moment though . . . less in my head. :0)

  • Cristina Says:

    It’s funny because we live in a time when we are constantly told to plan for tomorrow (retirement, etc.) but also to live in the moment (you only live once!) and to try to recapture yesterday (do this, you’ll look younger). It’s no wonder we are so mixed up sometimes.

    In the end, we just need to be still. And that’s it. And enjoy that moment.

  • Brooke Farmer Says:

    I’ve been struggling with this constantly my entire life. And more so in the past week.

    I love this post. It is so beautifully written. Pretty much like everything else you write.

  • Chantal Says:

    I need to live more in the NOW… learning bit by bit

  • Stereo Says:

    This perfectly describes my state of mind of late. I’m starting to let my dreams take hold again.

  • Jennifer Says:

    Beautifully said.

    Lots of us have dreams – the ‘somedays.’ I’ve learned that if I can bring that dream into the moment with me and do some small but tangible step towards it – even if that is only to articulate it in a journal or paint a picture of it, or even identify what those steps are in getting to it – the dream becomes part of the present – it’s not something far off or ‘someday.’

  • Heather Says:

    Woman, wow! This is a beautiful post. As I so often say after visiting you here, I needed to read these words today. Thank you.

  • Mary Says:

    Love it – absolutely love it! How comforting to know there is someone who thinks like me!

  • Lisa Says:

    I’ve left this up for 2 days now. I just keep coming back to it. I read it and immediately wanted to leave a comment, but had no idea what to say! I still return with no words…just a thank you. This is amazingly, honestly, beautiful.

  • Barbara Says:

    I believe there’s time in a day for both – but that being said, I’m constantly having to pull myself back to the moment and just live now, not wait for later.

  • Kate Says:

    We are so similar in some ways.

  • Noel Says:

    I like these longer meditations that you’ve been posting!

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