on splitting things
down the middle

At times these days, I feel a little bit like I have a split personality. One day I am mrs. mediocrity, the next day I am the blue muse. We are both the same, yet, somehow, we are different.

When I jumped/fell into the land of blog, my plan was to start a blog that would focus on art, my jewelry business, design, etc. And that would be the blue muse. But since I had no clue what I was doing, I decided to first start mrs. mediocrity as a way to figure this whole thing out, my “guinea pig” blog if you will. I also had a feeling I might want a place where I could “ramble” about any topic I felt like. (And obviously, I needed that outlet…)

So I flip and flop between my two voices, both mine, both a little bit someone else’s. Both me, both her. Which her, which day, when do they merge, when do they separate, when do they become their own person?

Do you see what I mean?

No wonder I’m confused…

But I’m not, really. It’s like the difference between your work personality and your home personality. Slightly different, always. How many personalities do we have? How many roles do we play? I am graphic artist, jewelry artist, writer, digital artist, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, female, runner, reader, gardener, knitter, housekeeper, decorator. Not necessarily in that order.

I am all these things. I am me.

Multi-faceted, insanely busy and always looking for more, me.

But there’s also this: I had no clue when I entered this world how many wonderful people I would meet. The friendships I would form. The awe and admiration I would feel for the multitude of talent I would discover. The sense of community, support, and caring. The encouragement. The connection. The camaraderie.

The expansion of my teeny tiny world, the expansion of me.

I also had no clue how much I would fall in love with writing again, and photography. How this would cause me to circle back to my teenage years, when I wanted to be a poet, or a photographer, and wonder why I chose the paths I did. Not that I regret most of them. But the writing and photography part, I do, a little bit. It is weird to come face to face with my teenage self again at age 47. And to recognize that same zit, still on my chin.

Or maybe that’s perfectly normal.

Either way, I am here, home. Inside my 47-year-old body home. Inside my head home. Inside my heart home.

I wonder where I was for all those years?

Yes, I am me.

The same me I was at thirteen.

A vastly different me at 47.

And in so many ways…

I am just like you.

Thank you, for that.


A sincere thank you to everyone who reads and listens and comments and supports. From my heart.

17 Responses to “on splitting things
down the middle”

  • Kimberla Says:

    What a beautiful and poignant entry, Mrs. Mediocrity. Finding our voice, in all its variations, is a lifelong journey. I am glad to be a part of that journey with you. Your writing inspires me everyday to find my voice and my self.

    …I updated my blog address…

  • Anna Says:

    All of these things are in my head too…you stated them beautifully, better than I have ever been able to. We are defined by more than one word but sometimes it takes years to realize, accept and acknowledge that…but when we do it is a bit like confusing magic.


  • Debi Says:

    it is an amazing journey, isn’t it, this road into the blogosphere that leads us back to ourselves?

  • Megan (Best of Fates) Says:

    I always thought that such struggles were the burden of adolescence and that upon reaching adulthood a person just knew who they were and what they wanted. It’s been a sad realization that’s not true.

  • wholly jeanne Says:

    i so relate to this lovely post . . . erikson (developmental theory) once said that when we hit a certain crossroad, we look back to who we were at 8 years old and try to become that girl again. it’s an interesting theory, and i do look back to remember who i was and see if i can untangle how i got here, wherever here is. when did my identity become roles instead of essence? now that some of the roles are changing or even disappearing, what fills their place? do i have to fill that spot or could it just be breathing space, creating space? mostly these days i just pat around in the dark, searching for the lightswitch, hoping that when i eventually find it, i’ll recognize my own self.

    • Mrs. Mediocrity Says:

      Oh yes, I so know what you mean, and that was quite an inspired comment. Thanks for all you kindness and your comments!

  • jane Says:

    I am sorry …there must have been a mix up somewhere…i think you have mistaken your life for mine.

    this is eerily like a summation of my life at the moment (including the chin zit)

    good to meet you! i mean me

  • georgia Says:

    i perfectly understand everything you’ve said here. i started my jorjah-b blog for the same reason that you started blue muse… to blog about my creative aspirations and creativity and the arts in general. it was to be for my design endeavors and all the things that inspire me in that part of my life.

    but then i branched off into “it’s just how i see things” and it sort of took over. it used to be that jorjah-b was my main blog and “it’s just how…” was my secondary blog. now that is flip flopped. and through it, i discovered i am just as passionate about photography and writing as i am about design, if not more.

    and i know exactly what you mean about the friends and connections. although that part of it has tapered off for me… just because i don’t do as much blog visiting as i used to, it still remains one of the biggest pluses to blogging. like you! so so glad i found your gorgeous and thought-provoking space here.

    love this image, by the way. i’d hang this on my wall! looks like a very cool abstract painting.

  • georgia Says:

    oh, and i seriously would never have guessed you at 47. you have a very young soul that comes through in your photos and words… and i mean that in the best way! you have a very good way with words and aesthetics here.

  • beth Says:

    blogging did and still does the same thing for me….it brought out a “me” i had forgotten about….or perhaps left behind….or didn’t even know was there in the first place…

    and i’m so glad you’re here with us….

    oh, and that zit…there’s one on my chin and i’ll be 46 in august….I think we’d get along so well !

  • Tracy Says:

    How many people have I been in this one life? I lost count. 🙂

    Such a lovely post, and yes, blogging can really bring out the many sides of oneself. I have several I keep up myself. Each has a different voice. Each is me. No smoke and mirrors, just the many surfaces that make up the person I am and am becoming.

    I am SO GLAD that you have started up both blogs. I have said more than once to G. how “getting to know you” this way has been incredible.

    Thank you for starting this journey… I hope you don’t mind me walking with you for awhile. 🙂

  • Marcie Says:

    Oh..it could be me writing these words. I so understand – the split personalities..the many different hats..and the falling in love all over again with what we once loved when we were young.

    So perfectly said!!!

  • Maegan Says:

    This is beautiful! I recently wrote my 300th blog post and recounted how blogging has brought about many of those same blessings in my life as well! It’s funny how, no matter what age we are, there is still that little 13 year old girl inside, trying to figure out who we are!

  • Vonda Says:

    I do like you! I did not realize you were ‘the blue muse’…that is funny because I have both of you saved in my favorites. I guess I can come along now that I know:)

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