Feb 28 2011

heartbeat

some moments in life change everything.

of course, the big ones do, first jobs, graduations, marriages, children, promotions, death. these moments are events, we expect them to take over, to change us, to get our attention.

but what about the small ones? the simple smile that opens your heart, or the first bud opening on the crab apple tree. what of the shimmer of moonlight through the curtains on the night you cannot sleep, or the sound of your husband’s snoring? what of the first sip of tea each morning, the one you have been taking so long it has almost become the same as breathing?

and what of the moments that pass by, unnoticed? the ones filled with repetitive motion?

there are the dishes i wash daily, again and again, and the bed that i make and this floor that i sweep. there is my hand passing back and forth as it sweeps the dust from a picture.

there is ritual in these tiny bits of life that make up the patterns of our days.

these are the things that keep us grounded, keep us grinding away. they may wear us down, but they keep us going.

creating order out of chaos is what keeps us sane. holding together the bits of our lives on our postage stamp of universe, giving us purpose, potential, comfort.

i am rich because i have a floor to sweep, a mirror to dust, a bed
to make.

this tea to drink.

and savor.

:

this post is part of prompt me at jillsy girl’s place.
click here for more my cup of tea entries.

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Feb 26 2011

it really is a dog’s life

My name is Jake.

I’m here to wish my dad a very Happy Birthday.

This is how I look, every time I see him.

p.s.

My mom says Happy Birthday, too.



Feb 24 2011

a reflection

you cannot tame an ancient lion.

he already knows more than you

and besides, his claws are real.

::

you cannot fill a bucket with hope.

if you try to contain your longing

it always spills over the edges.

::

you cannot hide your bruises.

they are the map of your existence

and without them, you are lost.

::

you cannot whisper to a rose.

there is nothing you could say

it has not heard before.

::
you can only smile at the mountain.

let it climb its way through your heart

and then listen, for the echo.


Feb 22 2011

the signs were all there

Today I am over at Vision & Verb

filling in the blanks.

Join me, won’t you?


Feb 20 2011

a question

look before you leap

or

dive right in?


Feb 18 2011

yesterday

an

almost blue

sky

cradled

an

almost warm

sun

: :

and these.



Feb 16 2011

pattern play

Maybe it’s because I have a blog now, this journal that chronicles my days, and maybe it’s because I’ve been doing this for a full year, but I am beginning to see the patterns of my life, ups and downs, hills and valleys, joy and discontent. Things I don’t think I ever noticed before.

I suppose having a blog forces you to become the journalist of your life, reporting on the world as you see it. It has a way of placing you under a microscope, and you start to focus on all the details.

I see the way I do things, or don’t do them, I see that the basement that was a mess last year is a mess again, that my desk is always messy, that my studio collects things no matter how many times I clear it out. There is the chair in my bedroom that grows clothes, the stacks of books that migrate to different rooms, the bench in the kitchen that is always cluttered.

I see the things I do over and over again, every year, every season, every day. I see the hours as they pass by, but I also see the sum total of their passing. Some days add up to much more than others.

I see cycles of whining and complaining, stress and calm, being sick and being healthy. I see the joy at the beginning of each season that wears out its welcome just as the next one shows its face. I see myself noticing the subtle way sunlight shifts with each month as it falls across the yard… did I ever notice that before?

I see myself as in a book, and I thumb back and forth through the pages finding phrases and sentences again and again. Sometimes I like what I read, other times, I cringe. Sometimes I am surprised to find myself there. It’s like looking in the mirror.

So am I noticing these things because of this blog, or simply because I’m getting older? Or both…?

Mostly, I’m thinking it’s a good thing, that I am building some sort of manual for my life. Perhaps it will instruct me on how to fix the things that are broken, how to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. Perhaps it will teach me a thing or two about myself and this world, and one day, I will find that all my bad habits have been broken, eradicated, overcome.

Okay, fine, we all know that’s not going to happen.

But perhaps as I write my way through another year, I’ll find a word or a sentence that alters the pattern, ever so slightly, so that next year I can look back and see myself wearing a different dress.

One that feels comfortable and makes me smile each time I put it on

to go out and chase those shadows through the garden.


Feb 14 2011

he buys groceries

and sometimes, flowers.

he chops wood and carries it in,

and cleans my car off when it’s cold.

he brings me wine, and chocolate,

and he still hasn’t guessed

how much i love him.

he’s not perfect.

nor am i.

::

but every so often, together, we get there.


Feb 12 2011

sweet

The other day, after I had posted about my belated blog birthday, and my ongoing craving for a cupcake, I heard someone at the back door.

When I walked out into my kitchen, my dad was standing there, with this little cake in his hand. “Happy Anniversary,'”  he said, and I almost asked him what anniversary, before I remembered what I had written.

Mind you, this was a day that was so cold I didn’t even feel like walking out to the mailbox, much less getting in my car and going out for a cupcake.

But my dad was going out to the store anyway, and my mom had mentioned about the cupcake, and so, here he was. My house isn’t anywhere along the way. But that is the way my parents are, selfless, kind, generous. I am a very lucky girl.

Technically, it wasn’t a cupcake. It was a fabulously delicious mini chocolate turtle cake.

Technically, it was the sweetest thing, ever.

.

.

this post is part of prompt me wednesday – a treasured gift


Feb 10 2011

oops.

happy belated birthday, mrs. m.

a year ago, i started this blog. actually, one year and three days ago.
i remembered, a few days before the 7th, and then i forgot. that’s quite typical of the way my mind works.

and now i realize why i have been craving cupcakes all week. which is not at all typical for me, chocolate is my sugar of choice. but all week, cupcakes on the brain. if it wasn’t so outrageously cold outside, i would have made a trip out just to get one. but since i have had no other reason to leave the house, and it is so ridiculously cold, so far, no cupcake.

besides, if i wait long enough, the craving will pass.

i had no idea what i was doing when i started this place, no plan, no clue about how it worked, or the people i would meet, or the heart and soul i would pour into this cyber journal.

it has been a big year, a year filled with words and growth and insight and humor and as the months went by, mrs mediocrity took on her own personality. of course, i let her, i gave her free reign here, i followed her lead.

and she taught me a great deal. about myself, mostly, but also about life and living and the kindness of others. and about who i am, and what really matters and perhaps, most importantly, that i really am mrs. mediocrity. that we are all in this life together.

thank you all for reading and commenting and being supportive
and for making me feel welcome in this world.

on second thought, i think i will go out and buy that cupcake.

i have a little bit of celebrating to do.